You thought I’d given up this blog didn’t you! Nah I’ve just been busy recovering and to be honest I just didn’t know what to write. I sat down so many times to start but just couldn’t face putting my fingers to the keys. If I’m honest I didn’t know what to say and had lost my confidence. I just kept thinking who would want to read about my boring recovery, it’s not funny and it’s not eventful, it’s just boring! Sometimes I was in too much pain to sit for long or in a place where writing just didn’t feel like a priority. There was also some damage limitation as my perspective was totally out by all the pain relief I was on and goodness knows what would have been written!

Plus in reality, it all felt too much and I got down so I stopped for my own sanity! I’m not good at saying when things are crap and I didn’t want people to think I was after sympathy or woe is me. This was supposed to be a positive space for our new adventurous life, full of anicdotes and all the crazy happenings here and not all me, me, me! But hey I started this blog story so I suppose it’s time I start telling some of it again. Also it may help someone out there who is also over coming an injury and change of life. I know reading others experiences have been invaluable to me recently. So if one person benefits from this splurge of words that’s great!

Well the good news is I am recovering from my broken back and the associated injuries that came along with it. It’s been a long six months and a lot of pain. Its been a case of three steps forward and and then two back, but slowly I’ve progressed. I’ve picked myself up, dusted myself down and got on again, as there’s my two not so little boys, a wonderful hubby and a farm to run to drive me on!

Just a re-cap for those new to my blog..On Australia Day January 2017, Tom and I were up early mustering our cattle when in short, a cow jumped through a lantana bush above me on a steep river bank and landed pretty much on top of my horse and I. After that we all careered off down the bank together in a tumble. I ended up landing on my right hip/ butt on the ground unconscious. This resulted in a broken sacrum, a large haematoma, bursitis of the hip, torn hip cartilage, a slipped T12 disc and nerve damage to the whole area. We had the horrendous touch and go time of spinal cord damage but I was lucky and I’m forever grateful I escaped with just the damage I did.

So it’s been 6 months since that fateful day and I won’t lie it’s been a long, tiring and full of pain 6 months! I don’t think any of us realised how complicated my injuries were at the start and that recovery was going to be a much longer journey than we ever imagined. After 6 weeks flat on my back and a few more on crutches, I started to mend..my sacrum constantly hurt and ached and most of the time is still excruciatingly painful. I had a large haematoma that would have made Kim Kardashian proud of my right butt! I basically exploded my glutemous maximus when I landed on it! This has now healed but it’s still swollen. The nerves also had to recover as the Sacrum is the nerve junction for all your pelvic and lower body functions and I gave these a good belt! For a few weeks after the accident my pelvic area had major nerve damage and for a while I was facing incontinence in the near future and various loss of nerve function. Too much info I know but hey, it is what happened. It’s ok now in that department thank god and feeling has come back and the nerves haven’t scarred as was feared. So I’ve thankfully dodged a bullet there. I’m still in pain but it’s so much better and I’m on some good pain relief.

However the pain relief has been a challenge in itself! It’s been a constant juggling act to find the right balance of pain meds to get relief and then not doing too much when they do work and then causing more pain. Then there is the managing of their side effects ! Too much and I’m comatosed, useless and tripping out like something from a 90’s rave! Too little and I’m in agony, back in bed and can’t function either. So finding the middle ground has been a challenge. I hate having to take anything but with out pain relief I can’t do my physio and build my muscles back up to be strong enough to stop the pain. Weird cycle I know but it’s what the physio says so I’m doing it! Honestly though I’m sure if I could fly to the UK (still not feasible) I would be arrested in the airport for the quantity of tablets I have on me! They have also made me much more dippy than normal if you can believe it and have been scary at times too!…

When it was bad and I needed a higher dose, a phone could ring right next to me and I wouldn’t notice it or hear it. I couldn’t find anything or remember where I’d put things. I couldn’t remember things I’d just done – like literally no recollection! I know we all do this at times but this was a new level and was frightening, like losing your mind!

Not long ago I was in the yards doing the paper work for the cattle (don’t worry I just stand or sit and the team do everything else!) anyway I totally missed a cow! How the bloody hell do you miss a cow for gods sake! A pregnant one at that, she was massive! She went in the crush, was treated by Tom, decisions were made by a buyer as to wether, he wanted her or not and the ear tag number was given to me. After that though, God knows?! As I had no recollection or record of her on the list. We’d even studied her and discussed prices etc. But that whole moment in time disappeared! There’s been quite a few more examples, funny and bad but I’d be waffelling then so let’s get on! The good news is my memory has got better and I’m back to as normal….well as I ever was!!!

At present I live life at a much slower pace and this has been hard to accept as I’m a Duracell  bunny who likes being on the go! I’m also not the most patient person as anyone who knows me will testify! I’m a doer, I’m active, I’m a farmers wife, a mother and if something needed doing, lifting, cleaning, riding, playing with, cooking etc. I just did it. I took all those basic things for granted and in all their parts they made me who I was. But since the accident, life has had to change and I have had to accept that. At times it’s been very hard. I’ve got and still do get very frustrated and sometimes scared I will never get back to a point where I can function at a level needed and be pain free. I’ll be honest I’ve got very down at times but who wouldn’t have?

Currently I can’t go faster than a walk and bending over is difficult and some times in life you need to be quick especially with children, animals and a farm and house to run.  We all take the ability to move so much for granted and I promise I never will again! And that just it, where we live and our livelihood requires me to be physical and I can’t just now and it drives me nuts! But I’m not going to give up so don’t worry.

Im realistic, I know I won’t be quite as able as I was before all this and but I know with hard work I will get to place I can be happy with. I know riding etc may be out for me now but I will be so happy when I can dance again with Tom without pain and drive the tractor again……they are definitely two of my aims that drive me on! Im focussing on the farm office as that’s my strength in our team and directing Tom from there! Poor man! As they say time is a healer and I have to accept this time it could be a long road. Too keep me in perspective I have a wonderful orthopaedic surgeon and he has a good analogy, which has helped me to understand and be patient. Your spine is the trunk of the tree and your sacrum the roots. I broke the roots and now when the tree gets bent in the wind, it affects those roots and pulls and strains them and their recovery. So right now it’s just one foot in front of the other on a straight line and be patient and get on with it. Morning s and nights are hell as that’s when the pain is worse but some heat, stretches and a good bath all help. My physio is focussing on getting myself walking up steps straight. This is harder than it sounds as I have spent so much time leaning to the left it is now my new horizon! A couple of weeks ago I had a good MRI result and I can now start my physio in earnest again and I can confidently say I feel my back is definitely on the mend!

This leads me to the most important part of this blog and a brighter note. My husband and boys. Wow are they amazing and I am so lucky. They never moan about mum not being able to do the things she used to do for them and they help when I need it. Over the last six months I’ve been hard work at times as I’m frustrated that I can’t do things or just sick of the pain, desperate to get outside and do what I used to do. Tom is endless in his patience and kindness to me. He never complains that he has had to take on more work, more parenting, more everything! Yet I feel constantly guilty and frustrated I can’t help him more or do more for the kids. I hate saying no we can’t do that or mum needs you to do this etc. I know all kids have to do chores and I know all husbands help but these guys are going above and beyond and I don’t know how I would have coped without them being the amazing people they are. Family and friends you know who you are, thank you too as it’s the support from others that helps you through these tough times.

The farm is not at pristine as it could be and only things that are a priority are being done but we are managing and the business is thriving. We have moved into our wonderful new house and it’s heaven. The rains arrived and our cane looks good. Harvest is around the corner. We have sold some cattle and the first calves of the season are being born. I can’t wait till I can get out and about the farm again more and if not on a horse at least on the quad. As much as I love our new house it’s four walls get a bit much sometimes and trips to town tedious. But we have so much too be grateful for and a lot to look forward too and aim for and that’s what I and we do!

Now I’ve left this to the end as it’s yet another chapter in my health journey this year but hopefully it’s a short one. Last week I was diagnosed with stage 1 Melanoma. Luckily we have caught it early and I’m due my second surgery soon to remove more skin from my back. Yes yet again my back! The prognosis is great and I’m off to see the specialist next week and have a PET scan to check lymph nodes etc. I promise I’ve been wearing sunscreen and covering up out here! We did the right thing we caught it early. I won’t lie it’s been a shock and another challenge to face and to be honest 2017 can just bugger off! The boys don’t know and we are keeping that way obviously. I will keep you up to date and I’m sure all will be fine as I’m in great hands and it’s early.

However what hasn’t helped my stress levels is, that this could affect our chances of a pernament visa, as we are currently in the process of going for it. I’m devastated as all I want is the security of that for Tom and the boys after all our hard work of building and investing in a life out here. Gundaroo and Australia feel like home now. We’ve taken a farm that needed love and loved it. So we are not going to give up, we are just going to have to work hard at this.

Life chucks curve balls at you sometimes and challenges you and we all go through it. We all have our challenges and tests and these at present are mine.  I suppose it’s good to remember we all are tested in life at times. We just need to keep dusting ourselves down, picking our selves self up, working hard and hugging our loved ones nice and tight!